Confrontation and healing from abuse are not the same thing

Many survivors of abuse, both sexual and physical, drug rehab for women only feel that they must confront the perpetrator. You can confront the perpetrator, tell him (usually him), and then tell him what. It was wrong. It was hurtful, and it did significant harm.

I can imagine that it would be amazing and empowering. Even though the initial reaction may be more anger or denial, it could be quite traumatizing. This would make it difficult to stand up against such responses. The confrontation might offer the chance for forgiveness and repair of the relationship. That would be everyone’s dream. Perhaps the survivor can learn to let go and see the other in a different way.

That was because my father died before I had the chance to remember his actions. My mother, however, was still alive. My mother was still alive when she was diagnosed with colon carcinoma. We knew that it was a death sentence. It was okay to just let it be. It felt like a mix of cowardice & wisdom. The cowardice… Of course, I imagined that she would deny it all over again. Or minimize it. How could you accuse him? He loved you.” Oder “Oh, it was just him being a man.” Oder “But it didn’t really cause you any harm – you grew up fine.”

The wisdom part… My therapist asked what I would gain. I dreamed that my mother would recognize the fact of the abuse. She’d admit the pain. She would offer comfort and an apology. She’d be a warm, protective mother.

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